Is violent p0rnography the main provider of your child’s sex and sexuality education?
Apr 01, 2022
Content note: this blog contains content on sexual abuse, rape and sexual exploitation.
Wake up adults…
I once had a Grade 5 child tell me they were addicted to P0rnhub.
This is happening to our kids. They are being sexually abused and exploited via online mainstream pornography, including one of the wealthiest and most visited websites in the world. Online mainstream p0rn is something they are being exposed to at an increasingly younger age, 48% of 13 year old boys have viewed pornography. Maree Crabbe from It’s time we talked told us recently that one of the main sites had 48 million visits in one year and there are 6 videos for every person on the planet available on the internet. It is so prevalent, it is actually more difficult to avoid seeing it than it is to seek it out.
P0rn is not going away any time soon. If you have, or care for children, it is critical that you address this issue now.
“...On average, young men are viewing pornography for the first time 3 years before their first sexual relationships and young women 2 years before their first sexual relationship. This data suggests that there is a significant opportunity for pornography to influence young people’s views and attitudes at a time in their lives when they are developing an understanding about sex and sexual relationships…”
Our Watch: Pornography, young people and preventing violence against women
Not too long ago, I had a health professional, a fellow colleague, say - "let's not get hysterical" (about porn) when I mentioned the harms of kids having unlimited access to online p0rnography and I was referring to the profiteering and exploitation that the p0rn industry facilitates. They were referring to adult's rights to have free choice and access to what ever sexual material they so choose. When I criticise p0rn, I am not criticising consenting adults who seek out and pay for p0rn that is ethical, I am commenting on the p0rn that is free and overtly accessible, the content that is created, without care for who is consuming it and how it may impact one’s perception on sexual relationships and power dynamics.
Research shows that this is a growing issue, not one that is disappearing.
Content is targeted at cisgender, heterosexual men. We should be outraged that porn impacts men’s basic human right to sexual wellbeing by shaping sexuality in such a powerful and harmful way. This includes things such as influencing thoughts and beliefs that sex involves chocking, spitting, slapping, incest, lack of consent, just to name a few.
Here are just a few statistics that demonstrate the impact p0rngraphy is having on young people (from a 2020 Our Watch survey of 15 - 20 year olds:
- 48% of boys had viewed pornography by the age of 13
- 48% of girls had viewed pornography by the age of 15
- They had seen it for the first time, both unintentionally as well as intentionally
- 56% of young females and 46% of young males were not actively seeking it when first saw it
- 1 in 6 males consume it daily
- 1% of girls consume it daily
- 56% of 15 - 20 year old males consume it weekly
- 15% of 15 - 20 year old girls consume it weekly
I have been following this Congressional investigation in Canada - the investigation of P0rnhub's owners. There has been some tireless work done by the National Center on Sexual Exploitation.
This video below from them comes with a distress warning of sexual abuse, rape and discussion of sexual exploitation, so please use your discretion about if and when you feel up to watching the video.
Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/-wzhIfZAuCw
Support:
As difficult as this video is to watch, it has some important information.
Particularly highlights from 1:24:28 - please only watch this if you are in a frame of mind to manage the distressing truth about our world. It is hard to believe humans treat each other (especially children like this) and then others go on to profit from it. It's hard to comprehend.
This is a wake up call to parents. It is not a matter of ‘if’ your child will view online mainstream p0rn, but ‘when’, either intentionally or accidentally. We should not be surprised by the number of reports from the Teach Us Consent movement that this content is their main teacher of sex and sexuality.
Parents, you need to be children’s main source of information on sex and sexuality. You need to counteract the messages from p0rn and teach them to be critical consumers of the harmful and unhelpful messages they receive.
The big question now is how do you counteract these messages from porn?
Here are some tips:
- Talk to kids about sex and sexuality no matter what age they are, they need to hear it, age appropriately, from you: Talking The Talk Resources.
- Talk often about the positive, joyful, respectful, and consensual aspects of relationships.
- Turn on commercial radio in the car and use the disrespectful song lyrics and ridiculous sexualised topics talked about by hosts as teachable moments to call out disrespectful, negative messaging around sex and sexuality.
- Be the ask-able and tellable parent they need you to be. If you start having conversations with your kids about these topics, they will know that you are a safe person to come to (especially about viewing of pornography): Talking The Talk Healthy Sexuality Conversations.
- Avoid punishing them such as taking away their device or banning the game. Otherwise, they may avoid telling you in the future.
- Teach your children protective (online) safety. Use resources from the eSafety Commissioner’s website and Inform & Empower.
- Check that your school teaches age-appropriate, comprehensive, sexuality, respectful relationships and consent education based on evidence such as UNESCO research.
- Teach your children body safety rules. Use resources from Educate2Empower and Safe4Kids.
- Tell them about the harms of internet fake images of naked bodies and fake sex - today! You can find more information on this at It’s Time We Talked and Culture Reframed.
- Have young people think about whether or not they want to be being consumers of the commodity that is p0rn. Is it ethical? Are the people being paid? Are they consenting? Is exploitation and child abuse associated with that platform? Have them be conscious consumers and critically analyse the messages they are being fed.
- Consider writing to your local MP asking them to support age limits for internet pornography access, similar to gambling. Here is an example to get started: Teach Us Consent Email Templates
I especially want to encourage the dads and male carers to be the main educator for your child. It is predominantly women who attend my parent sessions, although the number of dads is increasing. You need to step up to be part of the solution for our kids. If you are cisgender and heterosexual, porn is targeting you and your children.
We can no longer stand by and let the p0rn industry shape the knowledge that our children have of sex and sexuality. We need get our heads out of the sand and take control of the narrative so that children learn what healthy sexuality is, from us rather what they may see on their screens.
Resources:
Office of the eSafety Commissioner
Other Talking The Talk blogs on this topic:
Pornography - the Public Health Crisis affecting your children
Don’t Let Pornography Be Your Child’s Sex Ed Teacher
Pornography – The New Sex Ed? Parents Can Change This.
Respectful Relationships – What Do You Need To Teach Your Children?
