20 Questions for 2020 plus 3 top tips…

Originally posted 14/01/2020

Happy New Year!

Kicking off the new decade with a sex and sexuality conversation quiz! :)

Can I ask you? Have any of these 20 situations ever happened to you? 

How many of these sex and sexuality kid’s conversation scenarios can you tick off this list?

I’d love it if you would email me with your score out of 20, I’m so keen to hear how many other adults have had the same issues as me :)

Take a deep breath…in...and...out…and...go...!

Have you: 

1. Ever felt confused about how much you should say to kids when it comes to talking about sex & sexuality? 
2. Worried that too much information might expose them to things they don’t need to know?
3. Worried that not enough information might make it seem shameful or taboo etc?
4. Ever been unsure about how much should be shared at a particular age?
5. Wondered what level of detail is appropriate? 
6. Been concerned that your child might repeat what you have talked to them about when they are at school?
7. Worried that other parents will get upset about your open conversations?
8. Worried that children will lose their innocence if we talk to them about sex and sexuality too early?
9. Wondered whether you should wait till the child asks the questions or you should be initiating the discussions?
10. Felt that you lack the terminology and ideas to say the actual words out loud?
11. Worried you will say the wrong thing about sex and sexuality? 
12. Been completely lost for words or don't know where to start when an important question or situation has come up? 
13. Worry you will give them ideas they hadn't thought of yet and this might encourage them?
14. Got kids who don’t want to hear a word about it, at all, especially from you?
15. Needed ideas to initiate the ‘talk’?
16. Worried about pornography and sexualised images/media messages etc. having a negative impact on children?
17. Ever felt fear/shame/guilt/embarrassment or all of the above and so avoid the topic altogether? 
18. Thought about teaching your child body and protective safety but never actually gotten around to doing it?
19. Thought about the immense impact you can have on the positive sexual health and wellbeing of your child for their journey through life? 
20. Wished you could get all these answers in one simple and convenient place?

If you ticked any of these you are not alone!!!

All parents and carers have faced at least some of these scenarios at some time or another - even me!!!

Phew...that list was confronting...you can either stop reading now because it is all too hard…or you could put your big brave pants on and take the plunge to really commit to addressing sex and sexuality with your kids in 2020 and beyond. 

If you want to be the main sexuality educator for your children or children you care for, access the specific links below... or go to our website and have a look around. 

Our Tagline is: “Let’s get started it’s easier than you think”

In my experience, it really is easier once you start with some support and basic info to help you on your way. I’ve made it my mission to help parents with this in 2020 and indeed for the next decade. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself!

You probably never had adequate sexuality education yourself - let alone additional education on how to parent or teach children regarding these issues...

Believe me, I hear from parents/teachers/carers all the time, how difficult it is to have conversations with kids about sex and sexuality.

Make 2020 the year that you will support the children in your life to experience healthy sexuality.

Some ways to get started:

• Access the free resources and tips here
• Use the password (talk) to access my personal library collection of resources for adults to have conversations with kids about sex and sexuality
• Put your name on the waitlist to hear when the doors open for the very first time to the new  Talking The Talk Membership
• Follow us on Facebook
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow us on Twitter
• Follow us on LinkedIn
• Arrange a parent or staff talk at your school or organisation
   

• Keep an eye on the events, public access sessions will come up in 2020
• Check out our blog for lots of useful information 
• Forward this email to other adults who are your children’s peer group so you are all in this together

Or just get started today!!!!

3 Top Tips:

1. When wondering how much information you should give your child, ask yourself these two questions: 

a. Who do you want to be the main sexuality educator for your child regarding each particular topic? (Hopefully, the answer is you) 

b. Then ask yourself when do I need to tell them about it before they hear it from anyone else i.e. peers, schoolyard, older cousins, media, internet, pornography? Make sure you get in first to be the main teacher of sexuality to your child.

2. Remove your adult layers of ‘stuff’, good ‘stuff’ & bad ‘stuff’, in your mind, that is getting in the way of essential conversations you need to have with kids. Every adult has layer upon layer of past ‘stuff’ in their heads that is not relevant to the simple questions or situation in front of you - ‘strip back’ (excuse the pun) your adult layers and just keep it simple.

3. Just get started: frequent, little conversations or statements of information, is the best way to approach this. 

Please feel free to email me with ideas for how Talking The Talk can be the best helper for you to be an askable parent for your child. You can even fill out this form if you have a spare three minutes. 

Until next time, 

Be brave :)

Vanessa